Aaron Rodgers Forced To Remain In Current Role As Part-Time Attention-Getting Loser

Despite The New York Times floating the possibility of Robert Kennedy Jr. selecting Aaron Rodgers to join him as a running mate on his doomed and embarrassing presidential campaign, Kennedy announced today that someone named Nicole Shanahan is his VP pick.

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This must be devastating news for Rodgers, who currently splits his time between playing quarterback for the Jets and pursuing his true passion: being an off-putting loser in public. Rodgers was this close to turning his hobby into a full-time job, only to be spurned. We can’t always get what we want.

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